What a whirlwind!

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind. I started back to work two weeks ago. Then last week, we all got sick in some way or another. The kids and I each had some form of a tummy bug. Jim got a cold. The transition has been difficult and tiring. It's hard to see my kids so little. They are mostly adjusting fine. Vivien has gotten emotional a bit and has also acted out some. But mostly, they are fine. Here is a little bit of a photo recap of the month.

Silas sure loves Donkey. Although he doesn't always like when Donkey talks to him.

Vivien accidentally bit her finger. She kept showing me, so I told her to hold on while I took a picture. She was a bit incensed since, "we don't normally take pics of our boo-boos, mom."

We went to Juniper's first birthday party where she and Silas devoured some literature.

Sebastian took Vivien on a scooter ride. You can tell how much she loves him.

Amba said she gave them both bottles of kefir to drink while she ran to the bathroom. She figured it would keep them busy for a couple of minutes. When she came back, Juniper had removed the nipple from her bottle and the kids were happily playing in the mess. I have to send two sets of clothes with Silas, because he invariably gets himself all wet.

This is a random picture from the Target shopping cart, but I had to get a shot of Vivien's outfit.

Handsome guy swinging in the backyard.

Vivien is finally fitting on her bike well. I feel bad because our sidewalks slant a bit, so it's really hard for her to pedal.

Silas and Daddy.

Mom's first day of work.

I love how much they love each other. I'm going to be sad when they start fighting all of the time.

Jim took the kids to see his mom on my first day of work. This was his behind the back shot of the two kids knocked out.

I took Vivien and Silas to a chili cook-off my boss was in charge of. They had fun.

Jim sat in the closest chair he could find to watch the Cowboys game at our friends' house.

To My Family

Dear Vivien and Silas (and Jim),

Tomorrow, I will head back to work full-time for the first time since I took maternity leave a few days before Vivien's birth. It was a decision that Daddy and I did not make hastily. We have worked very hard for a long time to make things work, and have somehow managed to do it for quite a while. But the time is now here that we can no longer do it while keeping a happy and healthy household.

Please know that in making this decision, very specific things had to fall into place before I would agree to it. Namely, I was very particular about who would take care of you and if Vivien could still go to Mother's Day Out. The only way I could leave you at this age, Silas, was if Amba was able to care for you. She was Vivien's second mother while I was in school. She is the very personification of the Eternal Mother, and I know she loves you two as if you were part of her family. We also wanted to make sure we were able to stay where we are living so that you can attend the best public schools around.

I have felt a lot of emotions in preparation for this new journey. I have shed many tears over the thought of being away from you children so many hours of each day. But we are going to make this work. Our time together will be well-spent and filled with love. Grammy had to go to work when Aunt Becky and I were young, and we always knew how much she loved us. Daddy and I will make sure that you will always know how important you are to us.

Vivien, I am so grateful for the nearly five years I've had at home with you. I am not even remotely the same person I was five years ago because of what you have taught me about myself. We have certainly had our struggles, which undoubtedly stem from the fact that we are exactly alike. But I am so proud of being able to watch you grow from a sick little baby into a beautiful, intelligent girl who will be heading off to kindergarten next year. You have given me purpose in this life. I hope that I can serve as a positive example as not only a mother, but as a woman with a strong work ethic. I learned that very thing from Grammy, and I believe it has served me well as an adult. I wish the same for you. I know you are going to light the world on fire.

Silas, the thought of leaving you has terrorized my soul, as you are still so young. I fear that you will forget I'm your mama, since you will spend more time daily with Amba than me. I fear that you will not get as close to me as Vivien has. I'm sad that chances are pretty good I will not get to see your first steps. When I think about it, I feel so sad. I am so sorry that I can't be here with you longer. But what I can do is love you as fiercely as I always have, continue to nourish you, and know that you are in excellent care when I'm away. I will make a point to know you as well as I know your sister. Our family was not complete until you entered the world. You have made the three of us so happy. The joy that you and Vivien share when you are together makes my heart swell.

Jim, remember how hard it was to adjust when I became a stay-at-home mom? Finding that balance was so hard. We had intended for me to go back to work. It was so hard at first. I was struggling with losing my sense of identity. You were feeling a lot of pressure being the sole source of income. I can't believe we made it almost 5 years. We have really pooled our resources and made it happen. I can't thank you enough for sacrificing your own sanity so that our kids could get the best possible start we could give them. You have not only been the best provider, but you never felt that your responsibilities ended with providing a paycheck. You have been the best father imaginable and the best partner I could ask for. You have been respectful to me when I have needed a break. You supported my decision to go back to school. You were my biggest cheerleader. You have made considerable personal sacrifices from selling your beloved truck to driving the hoopty Lexus. You stand behind my often unconventional parenting ideas, and put your faith in the fact that I will always do what's best for our children. You are the best man I know.

I love each one of you so much and I know we are going to be fine. It's going to be a tough start, but if anyone can do it, we can.

Love,
Mom

Open House

This week was very busy. Time really flies these days. On Monday, we had fun hanging out on a blanket in our front yard. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the temperature was just right. We brought some toys and the camera out and soaked up the Vitamin D.

Vivien took this photo of herself.

We have this corral that goes with a tractor set Aunt Becky got Vivien for her 2nd birthday. Every time Silas sees it, he puts it around his neck (he does the same with my underwear when I'm in the shower...). On this particular morning, he also found his way to the easel and scraped dried paint bits out of the paint cup holders. Naturally, he then put the paint bits in his mouth. Top it off with footed pajamas and you have got the cutest little mischief-maker.

Vivien's school had open house on Tuesday night. We got to go in and see her classroom. The picture on the bottom right was one she painted.

The monkey in the middle is one she made.

On our way out, I had Jim snap a pic of the kids with me.

I'm still in the process of looking for a full-time job. I went to a career fair at my university on Wednesday. It was a total bust. Hopefully, I will find something soon. It has been pretty tough on me to go through this process.

When I was pregnant with Vivien, I bought Jim the Donkey from Shrek. He thought it was so funny. The Donkey talks. When we first showed it to Silas, he was not enthusiastic about it at all. He was under the impression that stuffed animals should not talk. But then he warmed up to it and now gives him hugs and kisses.

We turned Silas' carseat around this weekend. I wanted to hold out for as long as possible since it's safer to keep kids rear-facing, but he is very fussy in the car. Any trip over 15 minutes is miserable. I finally decided to give it a shot. If he's still miserable facing forward, we'll turn him back around. But if he is happier, then it is much safer to have a mom who isn't unnerved.